InspiredbyFyre!
by Mai4eternity
Summary: A compilation of oneshots that are InspiredbyFyre! Genres and characters vary. This week: Week of 1337, a memetastic approach to InspiredByFyre! Week. Day Seven: InspiredByFGTC!
1. Azula Meets Gaang

**In all seriousness, this was InspiredbyFyre!**

**Dear Fyre, **

**Here's a quick something or other. **

**Idea: What if Azula turned around to be on the good side?**

**(Actually, it kind of morphed into something else during revision and somehow the brownies and Foamzula got in there. In fact, it was supposed to be off of the whole brownie thing, but meh, close enough; that's what happens while I'm supposed to be reading A Tale of Two Cities.)**

**For the record, Azula is still quite insane and she doesn't quite know what's going on.**

**(Dedicated to Forever Fyre, of course.)**

* * *

><p>The first time around, Azula came to her brother in hopes of joining his group. It didn't go well; he screamed and fled after precisely eight and a half seconds, the time it took for his feeble mind to comprehend a thought, and then he disappeared with a puff of smoke. Of course, the sissy had to run away, leaving Azula scowling.<p>

o

The second time around, she chose to go to Katara, which turned out to be an even worse idea than confronting Zuko. When the waterbender spotted her, she allowed no time for explanations, and Azula ended up trudging away, sopping wet.

o

The third time around, Azula was blasted sky high before she even got close. She probably shouldn't have walked up behind the blind earthbender; who knew what that kid could see with those feet of hers. Perhaps this wasn't worth the effort, especially since her tailbone was most likely bruised.

o

The fourth time around, she targeted the bumbling oaf. True, he did have some sensible moments and he did _try_ to fend her off, but his attempts to bring Azula down ultimately ended in miserable failure when he tripped over his sword. At that rate, he should have submitted to her request if he'd had any brains, but he rejected her anyway, thus proving his complete incompetence.

o

The fifth time around, Azula went to the Avatar himself. But, as he had his four friends around him all shouting insults at her, it was pretty pointless to try to reason, even if she _did _bring fire gummies and biscuits and some ridiculous new chocolate treat called "brownies" (Katara went insofar as to accuse her of trying to poison their group).

So, in the end, Zuko and his buddies captured her and shipped her back to the asylum, and there she remained with a guy who foamed at the mouth as a cellmate. As if her situation could get any worse; all of her endeavors to join her brother and his cohorts had failed and she was back in that accursed hell-hole again.

* * *

><p><strong>*Try checking out Fyre's Guide to Creativity by Forever Fyre.<strong>


	2. Lotus Con

**Horribly disfigured by Crystal, Honorable Master of Eloquence, Sap, and Ninjutsu (by which I mean: Thank you, Crystal; you're the best).******

**Idea: What if Iroh went to have lunch with Bumi, Piandao, and Pakku? They can eat sandwiches, play Pai Sho, and have tea!******

**Dedicated to Fyre and Crystal.**

-

"Your move, Grand Master."

The Dragon of the West glances at his three companions from behind his steaming cup of ginseng tea, taking in the soothing aroma of the wafting steam. Setting down his teacup, he smirks. He lays a single tile upon the Pai Sho board for all to see.

"Oh, not that old lotus gambit again!" cries the eccentric King Bumi of Omashu to Iroh's left, adding a snort and a maniacal cackle. He gnaws on a piece of rock candy with loud munching sounds, spitting chunks of purple crystal out of his mouth between crazed grins.

Pakku of the Northern Water Tribe, who is sitting cross legged opposite Bumi and leaning intently over the board, offers his opinion. "I admire your sense of tradition, Iroh; however, you know we all expected you to put that move into play some time or another. Wouldn't you agree, Piandao?" He gestures to the younger man.

"I believe we were, Pakku," the swordsman nods. He takes a sip of his tea and reaches for one of the sweet rolls lying on the low table. With a weary sigh, Piandao returns to his former position, his scrutinizing expression only interrupted by the occasional dainty bite of the roll. [1]

Iroh chuckles and folds his hands together. "Ah, I see I have grown old and senile."

"As have I; teaching these young female upstarts to waterbend is no easy task," agrees Pakku, who slaps down a piece, a white lily, next to the snapdragon. Scoffing, he withdraws his hand and places it in his lap. "Imagine that! Women deigning to learn battle skills; it is quite laughable at best."

"I have grown old as well," Piandao adds, quickly laying down a jasmine tile without batting an eyelash. "Though I must admit, some female students I have had have learned to utilize their skills quite well. This includes Sokka." He breaks his composure for a moment to wipe his fingers on his trousers.

"Who's old?" interjects Bumi. "I feel perfectly fine." He randomly selects one of his circular tiles and flips it onto the board, shifting it with his earthbending. "And no, I _didn't_ switch the pieces this time," at this point he casually flicks his hand, "so don't even try being sticklers and bugging me about it. Jennomite, anyone?"

The others dismiss his remark, instead peering at the etched configuration before them. They stare in disbelief, squint, and verify that their failing eyes do not deceive them.

"Oh! Looks like I win!" Bumi gleefully exclaims. "Who's up for another round? Jeong Jeong, you old codger, come play a nice game of Pai Sho."

The addressed, who is meditating in the far corner of the tea shop where the four Lotuses are conducting their monthly meeting, grunts. "I am going to ignore you," he snaps without turning to face Bumi.

"But it'll be fun!" Bumi offers.

"No."

"Well, somebody's got a stalagmite up his butt today. But first," he clasps his ring-adorned fingers together, "I'm hungry. Being old is tiring, so let us eat… some lettuce." This being said, he pulls out a lettuce leaf, wraps it around a shard of jennomite, and proceeds to unabashedly chomp on it with his mouth wide open, scraps of lettuce and candy spontaneously falling out. When he has consumed the entire item, he takes out another leaf and munches on it once again with more of the rock candy he of which he is fond.

Pakku, Iroh, and Piandao, after eyeing Bumi, momentarily baffled, then whip (at least, they perceive it as fast) out their own snacks. The first, gingerly picking up his chopsticks, slurps up squid noodles without another thought. The awkward glances he receives from the others he dismisses as unjustified since their food is equally, if not more, queer than the traditional Northern squid.

Iroh, on the one hand, is eating a sandwich even though the sandwiches should not exist in their world no matter how illogical the situation may be. He devours it as if he doesn't give a flea-gnat's bottom if he becomes fatter than a hippo-cow, which, at his current size, is not much of an exaggeration. Pakku himself comments on this, telling Iroh that he will grow to be larger than he was even in his indulgent days. [2]

Piandao stays silent and thoughtful, crossing his right leg over his left. Raising an eyebrow, he nibbles on an apricot-peach with a stern expression displayed on his face.

(Jeong Jeong, though he feigns aversion to the frivolities adored by Bumi, covertly slips dried lotus-cress root in his mouth. The world does not deserve to know where or how he obtained it. Rumor has it that he stores it in his bushy hair.)

"Tea?" proffers Iroh, lifting the wooden teapot lying by his side, gesturing towards it with a waving motion as if he were a traveling merchant selling his wares. A rumbling chuckle resounds among the four men. [3]

"Only if you _leaf_ enough for the rest of us old _teatering_bags!" exclaims Bumi, nearly choking on his laughter.

"No puns!" Pakku complains, slapping down his bowl. "I hear enough bad puns at home from my adamantly audacious grandson, Sokka; and despite the fact that he's well into his thirties, he insists on calling me his 'Grandpakku.'" The old waterbending master concludes by dramatically flipping his long white locks.

Piandao sighs. "I understand your pain, Pakku. I am obliged to mention that I did in face train the boy for a period of time, during which he proceeded to annoy the hog-monkey out of me."

Iroh, still fiercely clenching onto his sandwich, chuckles. Mouth full, he says, "Speaking of annoying, how's that wife of yours?"

"Kanna's irritating and nagging me, as usual. To be honest, I don't even remember why I married that woman." Pakku rolls his eyes. "What about yours?"

"Ming and June are fine, thank you, and so is Wuxia. I pity you, Pakku, for not having such beautiful wives like I do." [4]

Bumi mumbles something. Or, rather, he says something extremely loudly that his colleagues can't hear due to their old age. Either way, nobody hears what is said (except perhaps for Piandao, but then again, he isn't even paying much attention in the first place).

"What?" comes a cacophony of simultaneous voices.

"I like jennomite!" Bumi reiterates with a loud guffaw.

The world's record for "most old people facepalming simultaneously" reaches a whopping four.

Several minutes later, the food is whisked away as quickly as it was brought out. The men leave only the plate of rolls visible. The men (plus Jeong Jeong) wipe off their mouths since they all have missed their targets when eating; Bumi chooses to use his sleeve, while the others resort to more appropriate measures by using the tablecloth.

The four sit down for another round of Pai Sho. They play for some time until Bumi calls for Jeong Jeong to play again, to which the latter grudgingly agrees. He stands, examines the board, and then a white lotus tile floats into the air and lands squarely in the middle, thus rendering the all of other four men's strategies interrupted.

Iroh looks as if the phenomenon is nothing new, and Bumi smiles. "I wonder how you did that?" the quirky king says.

"Circular air patterns," explains Jeong Jeong when he returns to his cozy spot in the corner, "discovered during thirty years of absolute boredom while being isolated in the middle of a forest."

Iroh nods understandingly, Piandao stares off into space, Pakku seems bewildered and nearly appalled, and Bumi acts, well, Bumi-esque when the four of them are left to ponder Jeong Jeong's words.

A snore. Glancing in his direction, Pakku and Iroh note that the former admiral has apparently fallen asleep. Both sigh.

"Meeting adjourned."

-

[1] The rolls I have in mind are red bean buns. They are a Chinese dessert stuffed with a sweet bean paste and are actually quite delicious (my brother and I can eat up to a dozen in one sitting, but then again, he's a fat college grad). 豆沙包 can be found at many Asian bakeries and stores (check the frozen aisle; they're sometimes there).

[2] Sandwiches are European. They were not introduced in Asia until Britain took India. The eponymous John Montagu, Fourth Earl of Sandwich, for whom the sandwich was named, lived from 1718 to 1792, long before India was ever part of the United Kingdom.

[2.5] Oddly enough, Crystal also wrote a note here: the EVOLUTION of FOOD!

..._|

(stairs of evolution)

[3] À la Vanna White.

[4] Aka, Aunt Wu. Iroh's living in a fantasy world again.


	3. Curses, Foiled Again

**Idea: What if the Gang didn't survive Lake Laogai?**

**Special thanks to Crystal. Blood and gore FTW.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Cold realization dawns upon him as wave after wave of green-clad men emerges from the shadows. Sokka grips his machete, clenching the weapon so that his knuckles turn white. He looks to Toph at his right and Katara to his left. The three back slowly to the center of the room, forming a triangle with their bodies, warily surveying their adversaries, the infamous Dai Li force of Ba Sing Se.<p>

All hell breaks loose. The first line of men drops from the ceiling and triggers a massive quake in the wet floor of the headquarters. Toph forms an earthen shield to hinder their assailants while Katara commands her water with undisguised fury.

The three companions of the Avatar fight for their lives, but soon it becomes clear that they have no hope of defeating the countless agents attacking them.

A sudden silence behind them diverts their attention. Into the dim green glow of the crystal lamps steps Grand Secretariat Long Feng. He has a cruel sneer upon his lips as he stands poised in the tunnel that opens high in the wall, and he immediately gives an order:

"The Avatar and his allies are enemies of the state. Our former goal was to apprehend them and courteously escort them out of the city; however, that is no longer an acceptable option. Kill them all."

The battle rages on and Long Feng does not move from his lofty perch in the tunnel. It is almost as if he is mocking their helplessness, Katara thinks. That smug confidence and calm demeanor is almost disconcerting. Malice hangs unspoken in the air.

"Where's Aang?" demands Katara, bitter hatred obvious in her voice.

He shows his teeth in a leering smile. "Citizen Jet took the Avatar down due to the Avatar's hesitation. Jet is a good citizen indeed, is he not?"

"You _monster_!" snarls Katara. "You exploited a young man to your own ends! Of all the selfish, corrupt people I have ever met, you are-"

"The one who will lead this country to greatness," smoothly interrupts Long Feng. "Centuries of a monarchy will be brought to an end, and the Earth Kingdom will become the Earth Republic with me as head of state. The nation will be perfect utopia, free of ill-will and rebellion. The Avatar interfered with my work, and so it was necessary to eliminate him."

"You killed him for no reason at all!" Sokka accuses. "The Earth Kingdom is fine as it is!"

Long Feng is undaunted. "You believe the Earth Kingdom is perfect because you are fed that rubbish. The nation has been ruled by fools born to their positions instead of those who earn their rank. True geniuses such as me are the people who deserve to rule."

"The people of the Earth Kingdom are proud and strong. We will do anything to resist as long as we have hope." It is Toph who makes this blunt statement.

"There will be no need to stop me. Do you not see the beauty of this? Before I began running things, the Earth Kingdom had long been led by fools with no right to rule. Under my command Ba Sing Se has become a flourishing metropolis. It is time to expand this utopia to the rest of the nation."

"So you killed Aang simply for being in your way?" Katara's voice quavers and she wipes away the tears forming in her eyes. She falls to her knees, weeping in despair. "Not again, not again," she repeats to herself. Regaining her strength, she clenches her fists and rises with her head lowered in anguish. With a howl she summons all her will and pulls the water from the dank, damp stone walls to coalesce into a wave; Katara then hurls it at Long Feng in the form of a flurry of icicles.

Toph and Sokka assume offensive positions despite it being a futile effort with the looming threat of the surrounding Dai Li prepared to attack at any moment.

The frozen barrage is met with a slab of rock. They embed themselves into the cold stone and then shatter to the floor, useless.

Long Feng nods.

Katara seethes and pants as angry tears stream down her tanned cheeks, which glisten in the dim, faint green glow from the crystal lamps.

They shine a blood red when she falls.

* * *

><p>Toph finds herself frozen in her trepidation. It seems as if every square inch of the slick floor is coated in blood in place of water. As blood and water converge, it becomes increasingly difficult for her to distinguish between the cool water dripping from the walls and the fluid spilling from Katara's body. A twitch in Toph's foot – only stickier.<p>

As she stands petrified, scores of the Dai Li's signature rock fists batter her worn, beaten body. They bruise her pale skin, shatter her bones, and tear at her flesh before finally throwing her down to the bloodstained ground. Her blood mingles with that of the other dead girl.

* * *

><p>Long Feng laughs a low, triumphant laugh as he faces down with Sokka, the last remaining member of Team Avatar, who looks upon the corpses of his sister and his friend with horror. "What a pity," the older man acknowledges." "They could have been of much use to me but alas, they resisted and chose their own demise." He waves his hand dismissively.<p>

Sokka glances about himself. The exits are heavily guarded with legions of men, he notes, and any attempt to make it otherwise would be futile under the dire circumstances. It would be wisest to perish alongside his sister and his best friend. He lets his weapon clatter to the floor and then he surrenders.

* * *

><p>A servant approaches Long Feng and Earth King Kuei in the spacious throne room in the palace at Ba Sing Se. Three warriors of Kyoshi claiming to be disciples of the Avatar have arrived, he quietly informs Long Feng. His task complete, the short man gives a low bow and exits the hall.<p>

Kuei wonders what the matter is, but his adviser simply nods and reassures him that the matter is nothing to be concerned of. Doubts dispelled, the Earth King smiles, settles back into his seat, and turns his attention back to his beloved pet bear.

Pulling away from the naive monarch, Long Feng goes to receive the visitors himself. The leader of the troupe, a teenaged girl with dark hair pulled back into a topknot under an elaborate headdress, bows, as do the two women behind her. Rising, she introduces herself as Suki, captain of the Kyoshi Warriors, an elite group of female fighters trained to defend the innocent in the name of Avatar Kyoshi. They are the Earth Kingdom's humble servants, she says.

Long Feng calmly walks toward the leader. Then he smiles.

The girl's eyes pop wide as she realizes his motives. Before she can voice her suspicions, however, she spits out blood that drips onto the ground, leaving a crimson puddle. It covers her pale white hand; it soaks into her fingernails and drips off the tips.

Grand Secretariat Long Feng removes his hand to reveal a small marble-handled dagger protruding from her stomach.

"These three women are guilty of treason. They sympathize with the Avatar, an enemy of the Earth Kingdom. Take the other two into custody and have them executed, and then conceal all evidence here."

The taller of the remaining Kyoshi Warriors looks on, stoic, and the other holds back tears when their wrists are chained together and they are taken away. Behind them, two agents flip the bloodied stone so that it appears just as it once was with no sign of alteration or distortion.

The two warriors are executed in secret on the same day: the chipper, agile brunette is hanged and the tall, morose girl is tossed in a vat of corrosive acid until her body slowly dissolves.

* * *

><p>A tattered poster for a traveling circus flutters in the wind through the streets of Ba Sing Se to settle before a tea shop in the Lower Ring.<p>

The distraught owner of the shop laments the loss of his two best workers.

The younger of the dispatched employees converses with the ruffian he met long ago. They are both now loyal underlings of the government: one as a server of tea and the other as a personal bodyguard to the Earth King himself.

The guard looks to the heavens as he speaks of the promising future of a perfect nation. The sky is the limit, he says.

Looking upward, the waiter notices the lone sky bison aimlessly hovering in the skies above the city; it roams without direction and without destination. The waiter does not allow himself to get his hopes up.

Elsewhere, an ambitious lord develops a plan to spread his nation's greatness to the rest of the world. But that is a different story entirely.


	4. One Point Six Jahrzehnt

Crystal and I co-wrote this over bubble tea and a box of strawberry Pocky. That stuff is delicious. Credit goes to Mike DiMartino, Bryan Konietzko, Nickelodeon, Viacom, and Forever Fyre.

Idea: What if they were unable to save baby Yue?

* * *

><p><strong>One Point Six Jahrzehnt<strong>

* * *

><p>There was nothing to be done.<p>

After all he'd gone through, his little daughter was in the other realm

_dead_

without having taken a single breath in the mortal world. There she lay silent in the water of the oasis, her dark wet hair shimmering in the moonlight.

What a helpless infant she seemed; never could she feel; never would she experience joy or

_love_

excitement. But least she'd exist alongside the spirits and be spared the hardships of living. Never would she suffer pain; never would she have to endure despair, cold, isolation

_heartache_

Perhaps it was for the better that she hadn't survived. But only maybe.

...

He and his wife would have named her Yue, in honor of the Moon. A beautiful name that stood for celestial purity. He could taste the word on his lips, never to be spoken aloud except in stolen whispers.

…

Six years later. He could see his little princess, his pretty

_dead_

princess, in the other children of his tribe. A soft, tinkling giggle; a lively spirit; innocent blue eyes, deep as the ocean; quiet contentment as she daintily engaged in maidenly duties. Yes, that was what she would have been like had she lived.

…

Another hundred moons. She would be a beauty by now; dark, glossy hair, perfect brown skin, delicate constitution. His daughter would be

_heartbreaking_

the talk of the city, the belle of the North.

_a prize_

She'd be eligible for marriage, and he knew exactly whom to promise her to — Hahn, a

_brave boy, though a bit arrogant_

qualified young man who had proven himself capable of protecting a woman at the risk of his life

_when it suited him_

when it was his duty to do so.

…

Children from the Southern Tribe, along with the Avatar. This would have been an opportunity to merge with the sister tribe if only

_his little princess had lived_

there had been a proper opportunity to do so. A deal of marriage, perhaps; his daughter wedded to the backwards southern boy who claimed he was a prince would have been advantageous. Yes, he would have liked to see his little girl married to this

_nice boy_

young man in order to secure relations with the sister tribe. All in the name of politics. What a pity it could never happen.

Not for _that_ reason, though.

…

What a cruel twist of fate that he should perish sixteen years after she had. How cruel indeed. How very

_merciful of the spirits_

brutal the spirits were.

As he lay dying, innards spilling onto the ice, he wondered one last time what his daughter would have done. She, at least, would have remained dignified even in her last moments.


	5. Week of 1337 & Ragequit: InspiredbyFyre

**Week of 1337: A Memetastic Introduction to the Interwebz**

In a realm far, far, away, actually right in front of you about two feet, where magnificent forces dominate, there has been a battle raging for centuries – a battle unlike any other ever fought before. For this battle, actually a war, is one fought between two groups whose differences are so vast that even the Invisible Pink Unicorn can't fill the schism (but the Flying Spaghetti Monster can with all his Noodly Appendages). What I am speaking of, my friends, is the age-old war of Pro and Noob. Its tale is long, winding, and rich in detail; it is a glorious saga continued for many years. Oh, how you would love to hear of the 1337 pros, the clueless noobs, and the troll-instigated arguments they had! A long, exciting, and actually not that interesting story it is!

This is not that story. Thankfully.

Prepare for your perception of the Interwebz as you know it to turn upside down and inside out as the trio Liu Si-Wei, Tong Cha'hu, and Gao Shuijing take you on an epic journey through reality, fantasy, real fantasy, and fantasy within fantasy (fantasyception! ROFL). And don't forget to bring a towel! No, seriously. You'll need it.

* * *

><p><strong>DAY ONE: Ragequit<strong>

Last day at the Western Air Temple. Average morning.

Until the attack.

oOo

Everyone had fled; that is, everyone except Zuko. He was too busy battling his sister to care.

Explosion.

oOo

Azula hurtled off the side of the royal airship, spiraling past the temples erected on the underside of the canyon.

Down she plummeted through the hazy clouds to the crevasse below. Moisture clung to her sleek black armor as she passed and the wind, whipping through her hair, provided no substance to slow her descent. Azula could feel the heat of her men's flames; she could hear the explosions of the bombs, and she could smell the exhaust fumes from the monstrous aircraft.

She looked to the temple on the underside of the canyon, the rock flying past her perception at a rapid rate, and her fleet of airships attacking her brother and the Avatar. These were just part of the world. In the end she was just a small part of it.

If she had been sound in mind, she might have briefly admired the grandeur of the rock face before returning to scorn. If she had been sound in mind, she might have attempted to save what was left of her being, if that were worth the effort.

So this was betrayal. So this was the feeling of being abandoned by everyone she had ever cared about. Even her friends. Her brother.

What was the _point_, anyway?

oOo

"She's not going to make it." Zuko paled, looking in earnest at the body of his younger sister falling to its death. He, along with Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Katara rode Appa in an attempt to flee Azula's unforeseen attack that morning. From the first bomb shell that was hurled into the Western Air Temple, Zuko had known it was a family affair. It was only too true. Azula, usually so cold and calculating, gave off an air of fury and passion he had never seen before. Her gloating had become full-blown arrogance. Her normally sadistic smirk had grown to be a completely insane leer.

The first thing she had said to him obviously displayed her contempt for him. She was about to celebrate being an only child, she proclaimed. Then she dealt the first blow in her duel with Zuko, somersaulting over the railing of the crow's nest.

The fight had ended after their corresponding attacks had clashed and both had fallen off the side of the ship they were on. Appa had caught Zuko soon enough, but Azula had no one to save her. Those on the sky bison looked on as she fell. Zuko could only imagine what she would soon become: a mangled corpse, blood trickling out the corner of her mouth.

Aang yanked Appa's reins with a jerk. "We're gonna go rescue her," he announced. "This is Zuko's little sister we're talking about. Even though he's not saying it, I know he wants us to help her." Aang furled his eyebrows in determination. "For Zuko's sake, guys."

oOo

They were too late.

Actually, there had never been a chance in the first place.

oOo

One last glance.

Azula plunged to her death in the ever-widening depths of hell.

* * *

><p><strong>One word: APUSH. 'Nuff said.<strong>


	6. Derp: InspiredbyPanakin

**DAY TWO: Derp**

In another world, Kya broke under the pressure. In another world, she vanished.

* * *

><p><em>Your name is Ling. You are from Kyoshi Island.<em>

When she was born, it wasn't anything special. She was an average baby in an average family in a very average village. Her parents named her Kya for her pure blue eyes.

_Your husband's name is Hikaru. He's a soldier in the Earth Army._

When Kya was four, she first met the boys who lived on either side of her. Hakoda and Bato were funny, but Hakoda was just a little cuter, always bumbling around like a complete idiot.

As she grew older, Kya – now a tall girl with the prettiest blue eyes in the village – grew to love the two boys as her best friends. They'd drag her along on wild adventures and harebrained schemes. She'd been on lookout more than once in their ridiculous games. Of course, she sat and ate jerky while waiting for them, which made Hakoda loudly profess his deep, undying love for her while Bato tried to clamp a hand over his friend's mouth. Something about being an idiot, he said. Kya snortled and chewed on her meat. Mm, meat.

She married Hakoda when she was sixteen. They'd been together for some time before that, and neither of their families had disapproved. Their courtship had been blissful; Hakoda had desperately tried to pull crazy stunts to impress her, but she'd just smiled and kissed him. He never did learn to keep his mouth shut.

_Your first-born child was a son. His name is Souichi, and he strives to be like his father._

Sokka came three years later. He was an adorable little toddler, always precocious, always babbling. Clumsy, too; he crawled into tent poles frequently enough to make Kya's sides hurt from laughter before she gently picked him up. The spitting image of his father, he'd follow Hakoda everywhere, including the bathroom. It was only too cute.

_You have a daughter named Koko._

Their daughter Katara was born a year after her brother, in the middle of winter. She was fat, but cute anyway. In a pudgy sort of way. When the little girl turned out to be a Bender, Kya beamed with pride.

_She died in a freak canoeing accident five years ago. You couldn't save her._

Kya had no other choice. She'd failed her family, her tribe, all because she couldn't tell a single lie. That Fire Nation man had stood over her, a menacing figure of doom.

So Kya told him. The identity of the last Waterbender in the Southern Water Tribe. Everything.

And now her darling Katara was gone forever.

_You came here because it is safe._

Where could she go? Kya couldn't possibly live around those she loved. Not when it was all her fault – not when everyone blamed her for the loss of the last Waterbender.

So she ran.

_The Earth King has invited you to Lake Laogai._

_I am honored to accept his invitation__**.**_


	7. Trollin': InspiredbySummer

**DAY THREE: Trollin'**

**A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE AIR NOMADS**

By Liu Si-Wei  
><em><strong>and Tong Cha'hu! :P<br>**_No one really knows how the Air Nomads came into existence. Not even they do; the elaborate murals detailing their history are all defaced beyond readability.

Some say they were once warlike, savage people who eventually realized the wrongs of their ways. Others believe they were religiously devout people who eventually renounced killing. At least one person claims the Air Nomads were a race of dumb, incompetent idiots who remained as such throughout their entire history.

Whatever the case may be, everyone agrees on one fact:  
><em><strong>The sum of one and two is three. Also, you shouldn't ask the lunatic.<br>**_The Air Nomad civilization is a thing of the past, never to be fully restored to its former glory.

_**Actually, the one person who actually knows won't tell. Even if he would, nobody would be able to understand him through that ridiculous accent of his. Trololol. Kthanksbye. Cha'hu wuz here.**_


	8. Pwnage: InspiredbyJiaoJie

**DAY FOUR: Pwnage**

"Your days of tyranny are over, Fire Lord Ozai! I'm taking you down!" bellowed Flyer Almighty, bursting into the throne room with a blast of air. The large metal door clattered to the floor.

"Yeah! You're going down!" the swordsman Chattering Oaf crashed in from behind Flyer Almighty. He landed beside him, an accusing finger pointed directly at the monarch. "Cuz we know how to put the hurt in the... in the.. uhh... I got nothing."

"Oh yeah, _real smart_," snorted Steady Fighter, strutting into the dimly-lit room.

Chattering Oaf gasped. "Are you calling me dumb? But everyone knows I'm the plan guy!"

"Pfft, like they ever work."

"They do!" Chattering Oaf squeaked. Then, lowering his voice, "I mean, they do. I think. But that still doesn't mean you can insult me!"

"You wanna take this outside?" Steady Fighter threatened, kicking up a random pebble.

"Like heck I do! Settle it once and for all!"

The Fire Lord rose. "What the fu**WHOA. WAIT. Why is there swirling mist outside the throne room again? Tumbleweed? Seriously? And what is with the depressing western music? Alright, who took my harmonica? This isn't a western, people, move out! (Grumbling cowboys trudge off) Please wait a moment as the horses, cows, and random crew get out of here. It might take a while. Wait. Keep the mist. It's pretty awesome. **

Chattering Oaf pushed his sleeve up and pulled put his swords, brandishing one blade in each hand.

Steady Fighter stood at the ready, toes spread wide.

The random mist swirled around them.

Fire Lord Ozai's face looked like this: O.o

A screech and a whoop and they were upon each other. Random stuff flew out of the fray: a chair, a head of cabbage, a BLT, and some other junk I don't care to describe. Who knows where it all came from.

Ironic Optimist, who popped out of nowhere (as always), watched it all while eating popcorn. Or Fire Flakes. Or whatever that stuff is. It looks tasty. She had her fists clenched in anticipation. She looked like this: XD

"Aren't you gonna do anything?" said Flyer Almighty earnestly to Ironic Optimist.

"Being the mature one is tiring. I'm on my break." She shrugged and turned her focus back to the brawl.

Meanwhile, the two lunatics were at it again. "For the Boomerang Gang!" Chattering Oaf charged.

"What gang?" Steady Fighter moved out of Chattering Oaf's path.

"Hey! That hurts!" Chattering Oaf called from the ground.

"Admit it, I'm too awesome for you."

Chattering Oaf charged again. Chattering Oaf did a faceplant. Ironic Optimist munched on some popcorn or fire flakes or whatever she was eating. Chattering Oaf charged again. Chattering Oaf hit his head. Fire Lord Ozai walked out the back door. Chattering Oaf charged yet again. Chattering Oaf ran headfirst into the wall. You'd think he'd learn by now. Seriously, I think he's suffered major brain damage with all the falls he's taken.

"Why are you so mean to me," groaned Chattering Oaf collapsing against the hard red wall.

"Oh? What's that I hear? I'm awesome? Why thank you, Oaf!" Steady Fighter stuck a triumphant

"Why you-"

"ENOUGH!" roared Flyer Almighty. "We're supposed to be fighting the Fire Lord right now and your arguing really _isn't helping_."

"SHHH!" Ironic Optimist interrupted, arms flailing as she nearly fell over trying to get Flyer Almighty to shut up. Eyebrows scrunched in a serious expression, she shoved another fistful of whatever it was into her mouth and chewed it slowly as she intently watched the battle continue.

"Monkeyfeathers," muttered Flyer Almighty. So he went and sat on Fire Lord Ozai, who miraculously reappeared in the chamber for reasons unexplained.

And that's how Flyer Almighty and his team saved the world.

oOo

"Hey Katara! You wanna hear about my dream last night? It was really awesome and everyone was there and Appa was-"

"That's very nice, Sokka."

* * *

><p><em>Yes, the characters are highly ambiguous. <em>

_Flyer Almighty: Appa, the Aang figure in the group_

_Chattering Oaf: Momo, the Sokka figure in the group_

_Steady Fighter: Hawky, the Toph figure in the group_

_Ironic Optimist: Foofoo Cuddlypoops, the Katara figure in the group. Usually. Just not today._


	9. I Can Has BLT? InspiredbyPassion

**DAY FIVE: I Can Has BLT?**

**A NOT-SO-BRIEF HISTORY OF THE FIRE NATION**

By Gao Shuijing

The Fire Nation was founded by sages who learned the Ability to Manipulate Fire — 制火術 — from the Sun Warriors, who learned it from the dragons, who learned it from the sun god Agni, who learned it from Chuck Norris. For a time, the Sun Warriors and the Fire Sages lived in harmony, supporting each other in times of need. As the Fire Nation grew larger, however, relations became tense. The legend goes that the first conflict between the nations involved plagiarism of architectural styles.

"You guys copied our buildings," cried the Sun Chief.

"Nu-uh, you guys copied ours," insisted the Head Sage.

"I was first!" said the chief.

"What, is there suddenly copyright on architecture? Because I didn't get the memo," retorted the sage.

"Memos haven't been invented yet, moron!"

"Oh well, I'm totally suing you!"

"Tough luck; courts haven't been invented yet either."

And that's how arguments were invented.

The second conflict was over land. The Fire Nation claimed it for agricultural use, but the Sun Warriors insisted it was their sacred ground and not to be trifled with. The leaders had a slap fight over it. (Note that this ordeal took place two hours after the last argument and the Head Sage was still sore about losing. He so happened to win this one, though, which made the Sun Chief NOT HAPPY. The Sun Chief also happened to be a midget, so the Head Sage, who couldn't resist a good joke, said "Which one are you then?", referring to Snow White, which had just been invented the day before. That's how the slap fight escalated.)

The third conflict (really the most important) was a squabble over a BLT between the Sun Chief and the Head Sage. It's said that they told each other off, had a freestyle contest (for rapping had just been invented then), and dissed each other so badly that they ended up declaring war on each other (war was also a new invention). During this time, the first Fire Lord came into power and led his troops to the Sun City, where the Sun Warriors lived. It was mysteriously abandoned. The Fire Lord decided to have his army occupy the city, but after a week, everyone got bored. Most of the soldiers resorted to eating ramen noodles and drinking bubble tea (for those were the days before pizza and bagels and mustard) and watching shonen anime (for anime had been around for thousands of years, but shonen was still a pretty new concept). The Fire Lord realized how useless his men were and sent them home to watch anime.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster looked down upon the earth where his creations were — hold on, wrong story. Actually, the Sun God, Agni, looked down upon the earth where his subjects were wasting their time watching shonen anime and he frowned. Shonen anime wouldn't do at all. So he disguised himself as a human and introduced an entirely new idea among the soldiers in the Fire Nation: shojo manga. Now manga had been unheard-of in this world of political turmoil and social upheaval. The men called it blasphemy (which seriously offended Agni) and then gave the shojo manga to their daughters, sisters, cousins, and kitties. The girls grew up to be incredibly ditzy later on. This made Agni realize his grave mistake (for mistakes had just been invented, but graves bad been around for a while), so he took back the shojo manga and instead bestowed it upon the Sun Warriors (they were still hiding from the Fire Nation attack, for running and hiding had been practiced since the beginning of time. In fact, running and hiding were the second and third things ever invented, right after the first word, "arrgh."). The Sun Warriors became addicted to shojo manga so they remained holed up in their little city reading it for the next couple of centuries while everyone else carried on with their lives.

Meanwhile, the Fire Nation discovered real books like _The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster_. Sorry, wrong story again. I meant _Harry Potter_ and _Twilight_ and _Dune_ and _Winnie_-_the_-_Pooh_ and all that stuff. However, Agni was very disappointed in them for preferring books with actual words over shojo manga. He complained like a child for a while until he got bored and started reading _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, which was by far the best (and only) book he had ever read, so Agni quit whining for a spell, for which everyone was relieved (for relief had also just been invented).

In the Fire Nation, spices were invented after some kid put a random plant in his mouth. Frankly, that was a pretty stupid thing to do (pepper may have been discovered just then, but stupid things had existed for a few millennia already). The discovery was still a pretty big thing; at any rate, it changed Fire Nation cooking forever. Not that it mattered much when there was someone inventing tanks and trebuchets and steampunk stuff like that (for steampunk had existed for a few years prior).

Anyway, once Agni had finished reading, he went back to being disappointed in the people of the Fire Nation, this time for being flat-out lazy. For while he had been sitting in his room in the Spirit World, they had become ridiculous pansies and were being completely outdone by the people of the Earth Kingdom. Agni found this seriously offensive since the Earth Spirit, a badgermole, made it a point to stick its tongue out at the Fire Spirit daily as the Earth Kingdom grew moar powerful while the Fire Nation stuck to watching shonen anime. In exasperation, Agni gave an extremist group (for extremist groups had existed for about a century) the idea to overthrow the government and the means to stage a coup d'etat. The group dethroned the lazy-as-cheese Fire Lord and established a new dynasty. This was the founding of the modern Fire Nation. Not that anyone really cares.


	10. Friday: InspiredbytheFourthWall

**DAY SIX: Friday**

The Duke dashed into the tunnel after to catch up with Haru, Teo, and the others, leaving behind the sound of explosions behind. Onwards he ran into the darkness.

They walked in the tunnel with only one torch and Chit Sang's Firebending to light the way as Haru bent the earth in front of them. The group continued, going on and on, away from the fierce battle that was definitely raging from whence they came. Azula and Zuko were probably burning the whole Western Air Temple by now.

Teo and Haru chatted in front of the young boy about stuff he didn't much care for: girls, war efforts, new inventions and bending techniques, stuff like that. The Duke wasn't interested. He was just a kid with a goal, nothing more.

They had walked a little ways when The Duke noticed a strange warmth tingling in the tips of his fingers. It was almost like a soft feather as the heat spread through his whole hand. The sensation curled around his arm, wrapping it in tendrils of soft warmth. The boy dreamily smiled. It was somehow weird and delightful at the same time. It was, admittedly, a wonderful sensation. He felt... good. Soft and warm, like a large barrel of jelly candy. The boy felt like falling asleep...

The Duke's eyelids shot open with a jerk as he realized the warm tentacles were wrapped around his wrists, slowly tightening until he couldn't feel his fingers anymore. They seemed to tug at his limbs as they constricted. Grimacing in pain, The Duke looked around him and saw that none of the others were around him anymore. The torch was lying on the ground, still burning.

Someone screamed.

oOo

Please stop screaming. I'm terribly sorry for pulling your wheelchair so hard. But don't panic; I am simply here to take you away. I am here to take you to the place where all unused characters reside. 

_Characters? _Teo thought. _But I'm not a character!_

Yes, characters. You do realize you're not a real person, don't you? 

_Not... real? The place of unused characters? _ He paled. _Will I ever come back?_

Some in your group will be released for your two-second cameos in the finale. _One of you will never leave alive. Ever._

Teo's eyes widened, and all went black.

oOo

Chit Sang sat up and blinked. Where _was_ he? With only his Firebending to light up the dark, he couldn't see much.

Ah, you're awake. I was hoping I didn't accidentally kill you, the eerie voice echoed.

"Who's there?" the man shouted. "Who are you?"

I am the one who determines all in your world. I remove unnecessary characters from the story. That is my task.

"That can't be right. You're insane! Come here so I can beat some sense into you! You hear me?" Chit Sang cocked a fist.

Good luck with that. I have no body; I am speaking directly to your mind. I am only here to take you away to the place were all unused characters reside. That is all.

"Coward!" he accused, slowly backing up.

I assure you that I am not a coward. Now close your eyes and relax.

"Never!"

My, a stubborn one. I suppose I shall have to dispose of you properly. Goodbye.

"Wha-what NO!"

Chit Sang's heavy body slumped to the cold floor.

oOo

So we meet again, Hakoda of the Water Tribe. Wait, where is that troublesome man? 

Hakoda whistled cheerfully as he walked out the back door.

oOo

"I have created a secret weapon for such singular purpose and stealthiness that you will be helpless to its powers. . . MOUSTACHE!"

Haru earthbent an exit and bolted out the tunnel.

It wasn't long before the being seized him. His panicked screams ripped through the open air.


	11. Forever Alone: InspiredbyFGTC

**DAY SEVEN: Forever Alone**

It's a peaceful day in a small Fire Nation village when half a dozen children gather around an old woman in front of a small shack. "Stories!" one particularly eager child requests. The woman laughs warmly.

"Which one would you like to hear today?" she queries.

"How the Avatar saved the world!" squeals one.

"The story of Fire Lord Zuko!" shouts another.

"Princess Azula's infiltration of Ba Sing Se!" another child suggests.

"Toph and the badgermoles!"

"How Fire Lady Mai took out eight thousand buff Earthbenders by shanking them! It's like, _boom_, AAH! Dead."

"Wait, I changed my mind. I pick the one about pirates!"

Among these boisterous children stands a smaller one - a girl, about seven years old, who bites her thumb and clings to her brother. She raises a timid hand, and whimpers amid the enthusiastic cries.

"And what would you like, my dear?" asks the old woman, stooping down to the little girl's level.

"I'd like to hear," the girl cautiously mumbles, "something we haven't. Like, um, a story about regular people."

A few other youngsters chime in with "yeah" and "let's do this."

"Alright, a regular story it is then," says the old woman. With a sigh, she begins her tale.

oOo

"Once upon a time, three brothers – Dock, Xu, and Bushi – were born in the small fishing town of Jang Hui. They were from a village much like ours where twins and triplets rarely survived past the first year. No, Zhu, don't eat that bug. As I was saying, back in those times twins were remarkable, and triplets were extraordinary among the peasantry. People said the Painted Lady had blessed their family with three pairs of able hands to support the family.

"Nobody in their village really knew how to react to them so everyone treated Dock, Xu, and Bushi as a set. For the first seven years, they really _were_ one set – the three of them were inseparable, not to mention indistinguishable: they laughed together, cried together, and scraped their knees together (except for Xu, who thought it was a waste of blood and tears). They sold fish together, rowed their dinghy together, and even cleaned their hovel together. By their ninth year, however, they began to separate. The eldest, Xu, was devoted to gaining profit, continually calculating the price of various fish. He spent hours a day scratching figures in the riverbank. Occasionally he helped the shopkeeper in the town, and it was, for him, a pleasant task. The youngest triplet, Bushi, a shy boy who loved nature above all else, converted to vegetarianism and harshly reprimanded his elder brother for taking pleasure in torturing lesser creatures. Being a timid, cautious child, he cared for the river and all its inhabitants with all his nine-year-old heart.

"The middle brother cared for neither nature nor business. He was, by all means, a simple fellow with no real purpose in life but to better the conditions in his village with his own two hands.

"By their seventeenth year, both Xu and Bushi decided to leave Jang Hui to make their fortunes. At least, Xu did; Bushi went to become an environmental activist. That means he talked to people and told them how beautiful nature was. The eldest and the youngest brother both left their tiny village and set out in the world, leaving their middle triplet behind.

"Three years later, Dock received word that his elder brother Xu had gone bankrupt and committed suicide in his despair. The only thing he still had were the clothes on his back and his special cap, which was sent back to his family.

"A month afterwards, Bushi was executed after trying to protest against abuse of Komodo Rhinos. He had apparently freed several of the royal mounts, which amounted to a capital crime. His only possessions consisted of a stick and a straw hat, and those were not even sent home.

"The news hit Dock hard; he plunged into the depths of despair soon afterwards. He barely ate, rarely spoke, and would only come out of his hut to get a little food for himself. It was then that he started talking to unknown beings, asking them for advice. The villagers knew he was less than sane, but for his sake, nobody said anything.

"In the years that followed, Dock, always the unnoticed, boring brother, began to take over the responsibities that would have fallen to his two siblings had they stayed in the village. He used their names in hopes of creating the image of three happy brothers joyfully working their days away. After all, what else could he do?

"Everyone knew Dock was practically insane by the time he was twenty-eight. He honestly believed his brothers were alive and well, and no one cared to tell him otherwise. He never understood anyways.

"Dock lived like that for another fifty years. His grave is marked with all three names."

oOo

The woman watches as the children run off to play. She smiles and closes her weary blue eyes.

"Rest in peace, Dock. Now you can finally join them."

* * *

><p><strong>See You Later: Moar of teh Memes Pl0x<strong>

Our time together has been very special. You took the time to follow us through this marvelous journey. (If you didn't, then get a life and read.) We sincerely hope you remember this time with us. Farewell, traveler. Raise your thumb to the stars, remember to clean behind your ears, and don't forget your towel. We will sincerely miss you.

See you later, Interwebz. Until next year or something, if Fyre decides to host InspiredByFyre! Week again. So let this be a call for moar IBF so we humble travelers can rejoice. That being said, arr, and avast ye, mateys! Next we set sail across th' Seven Seas in search of booty. Don't forget yer eyepatch n' yer peg leg; ye'll be needin' 'em! N' remember, Internat'nal Talk Like a Pirate Day be on th' 19th day o' th' 9th month. September 19th.

(We be leavin' behind ye filthy landlubbers.)


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